Toxic relationships and how to cut them cold turkey – part I

We all have people in our lives who make us feel drained, negative, and depleted. They may be friends, family members, romantic partners or even colleagues at work. They always seem to bring chaos, drama, and negativity wherever they go. These people are often referred to as “toxic”. We may know deep down that we need to cut them out of our lives. But doing so is often easier said than done.

The decision to cut toxic people from your life can be a complex and emotionally charged one. On the one hand, it may be obvious to you that the person is causing you more harm than good. Or that you would be better off without them. On the other hand, there are often many complicating factors that make this decision much more difficult than it may seem.

Parents

One of the most difficult relationships to cut off would be the one we have with our parents. At a time, I cut the relationship with one of my parents for about 6 months. It just became unbearable. I felt like I no longer had to put up with an unfair and toxic behavior. I still loved both of my parents. But I figured that as a grown-up I didn’t need to keep existing in situations that no longer benefitted me. With the help of therapy, practicing setting boundaries, and learning to forgive myself, I managed to reach a good place.

Another group of relationships that are hard to cut, are those we have with our friends. Out of fear of loneliness or abandonment we might continue to stick to those people. That is because it gives us a sense of safety. Letting go of these relationships may mean facing the unknown and potentially losing a sense of security or stability.

Friends

Despite these challenges, it is important to recognize the negative impact that toxic people can have on our mental, emotional, and physical health. These individuals can drain our energy, undermine our self-esteem, and make us feel trapped or powerless. They may also hold us back from reaching our full potential, making it difficult to pursue our goals and dreams.

How to recognize toxic people

If you’ve landed on this blog you might already know what they are like. But just in case you’re unsure, here’s a list of traits that are typical for toxic people:

1. Constant criticism: A toxic person may be overly critical of others, focusing on their flaws and mistakes and making them feel bad for their shortcomings.
2. Self-centeredness: A toxic person may prioritize their own needs and desires over those of others, and may be unwilling to compromise or consider that others can be right as well.
3. Manipulation: A toxic person may use manipulation tactics to get their way, such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, or playing mind games.
4. Drama and chaos: A toxic person may thrive on drama and chaos, creating conflict and stirring up emotions in others for their own entertainment.
5. Lack of empathy: A toxic person may be insensitive to the feelings and needs of others, and may show little compassion or understanding.
6. Jealousy and envy: A toxic person may feel envious of others’ success or happiness, and may try to undermine or sabotage them as a result. They also take everything like a competition. And they always must win.
7. Boundary-crossing: A toxic person may have a tendency to overstep boundaries, invading others’ personal space or trying to control their lives.
8. Unreliability: A toxic person may be inconsistent or unreliable in their behavior, making it difficult to trust or depend on them.

It is important to note that not all of these traits need to be present for someone to be considered toxic. One or two of these behaviors can be enough to create a toxic relationship dynamic. It’s also important to note that such people act based on a very high ego. The ego of a child. And this comes from the fact that they never emotionally matured.

Negative effects of toxic people

Considering all of the above, you might wonder what are some of the negative effects these relationships can have on your life. The list is rather long, so I decided to go for the top 5 most common negative effects. But feel free to do your own in depth research about this:

1. Increased stress and anxiety: Toxic people often bring drama, conflict, and negativity into our lives. This can be incredibly stressful and emotionally draining. This stress and anxiety can lead to physical symptoms like headaches, muscle tension, and difficulty sleeping.
2. Low self-esteem: Toxic people may criticize, belittle, or undermine us, which can erode our confidence and self-esteem. Over time, this can lead to feelings of worthlessness, self-doubt, and even depression.
3. Difficulty trusting others: If we have been hurt or betrayed by a toxic person, we may struggle to trust others in our lives. This can make it difficult to form healthy relationships and may lead to social isolation or loneliness.
4. Stunted personal growth: Toxic people may hold us back from pursuing our goals and dreams. This can happen either through overt criticism or subtle discouragement. This can lead to feelings of frustration and a sense of being “stuck” in our lives.
5. Physical health problems: Chronic stress and anxiety, which can result from being in a toxic relationship, have been linked to a variety of physical health problems. This includes high blood pressure, heart disease, and weakened immune system.

I’m aware that this topic is very difficult for some of us. But if you’re reading this, then you already know that someone in your life is toxic. Now it’s only a matter of time before you decide that enough is enough.

This topic is very complex and I can go on about it for a really long time. So keep an eye out for part II of this blog. I will share some strategies you can apply to cut out ties with toxic people from your life.