Childhood trauma can be healed through awareness. I am an example of that. Therefore, I decided to give this an extra bit of attention simply because not many people are aware of it. They continue walking through their adult life unhealed from the past.
In a previous post about self-awareness, I was explaining that we are all capable of learning the art of self-discovery. However, past trauma or mental health issues can make our journey a difficult one.
Let’s break it down
Repressed childhood trauma is something you need to work on with a licensed counsellor. In special cases, you will need to go even further and work with a psychotherapist. Such specialists are trained to help people navigate through the maze of the past. Childhood trauma can be healed through awareness, but this is not a journey to take alone. I also worked with someone who helped me detangle my past. I always talk about it and recommend it further on.
My story
I used to feel like I was living someone else’s life. It felt like something about me just wasn’t right. Whenever I would go back to my childhood house I would get even worse. I would feel a rock hanging from my stomach. Each time I would think of that place or just go back there, I felt the same. My own life felt like I was following a path I did not want. I even had moments when I felt like I was watching it all unfold from a distance. Almost like I was watching a TV show where I was the main character.
Whenever I was standing up for myself, I was ashamed of it a minute after. I remember thinking that I upset someone because I asked for what I wanted. Feelings of guilt and fear would flush right in and I could not stop them. Childhood trauma takes away a kid’s stability and sense of self, and it stays with the child into adulthood. This is why trauma can bring on feelings of shame and guilt. It can make you feel disconnected and unable to relate to others, have trouble controlling emotions, heightened anxiety, depression and anger.
I followed the same pattern for over 25 years until it brought me burnout. And only through therapy, I was able to dig up what was actually going on. Childhood trauma can be healed through awareness, but nobody talks about it. That’s why I dedicated this entire blog to this topic. When this is left unhealed, you end up feeling alone in this world. Like a ship drifting on a stormy sea. You can’t connect with anyone and you feel like you’re always the outcast. Your entire trust system is shredded to pieces and you can’t put it back alone.
Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE’)
Repressed trauma, stems from traumatic events that happened to us before we reach adulthood. It is also known as Adverse Childhood Experiences. There are 10 ACE’s:
- Physical abuse
- Verbal abuse
- Sexual abuse
- Physical neglect
- Emotional neglect
- Alcoholic parent(s)
- Victim(s) of domestic abuse
- Family member(s) with mental illness
- The disappearance of parent(s), whether through a divorce, abandonment, or death
- Family member in prison.
Signs of childhood trauma
These traumas can affect your brain’s ability to build memories. This can be due to a physical impact that impairs your ability to create memories. It also could be from your brain’s attempt to cope with the emotional and psychological impact of the trauma. Remember that childhood trauma can be healed through awareness. There are some signs you can try to recognise in yourself:
- Strong reactions – Have you ever met a person who you instantly didn’t like? Such a strong reaction to someone you just met is rooted in a childhood trauma. You are simply associating this person with that someone who hurt you all those years ago
- Anxiety – This might be something you simply live with every single day of your life. Fear starts a chain reaction in your body which prepares you to fight or flight. You might be living your life in a constant state of fear based on past experiences.
- Childish reactions – If you ever find yourself behaving like a spoiled brat, or maybe someone told you that you behave like one, it might be time to look in the past because you’re stuck in a child-like behaviour.
- Inability to cope with change – Any change, be it big or small, continues to trigger exaggerated feelings. These feelings can activate fear or crying spells and this might interfere with your daily well-being. But it can also interfere with your relationships to the ones around you.
- Intense mood swings – This one’s an old friend of mine. I could simply not control my anger or my joy. I was at either extremes all the time, feeling emotions at their maximum or feeling nothing at all.
- Certain places make you uncomfortable – My childhood home made me uncomfortable. You might have other places where you feel your body burning with emotions. Usually those places trigger a traumatic memory.
- Low self-esteem – This is another good friend of mine. This one still comes to visit sometimes and it is my work in progress. It shows up when I’m afraid of being judged. Or when I try too hard to please others, when I don’t set boundaries or when I don’t value myself. Frustration and social anxiety can also be part of this.
- Abandonment issues – I was taught by past experiences, that people will love me as long as I helped them. I did not know that I can just be myself and the ones who love me, will be around me even if I don’t please them.
- Chronic pain – studies show that people with childhood trauma are more likely to develop chronic pain versus others.
Homecoming
It’s important to understand these signs because they create awareness. Once awareness and acceptance take place, we can move on to healing. Part of the healing of my inner child ties in with my work with a therapist. But that’s just one hour every week.
The real work takes place when you are alone. What do you do with the information you learn from therapy? Do you just forget about it? Do you spend time on it? It’s important to understand that working with a counsellor or a therapist is just the tip of the iceberg.
In my case, I dug deeper. I was curious to connect with this inner child and to heal her. John Bradshaw was an American counsellor who wrote the book ‘Homecoming – Reclaiming and Championing Your Inner Child’. Bradshaw was known for the self-help movement, and was credited with such ideas as the ‘wounded inner child‘ and the ‘dysfunctional family‘.
Working this book is not for the light-hearted. This was and still is one of the most difficult lectures in my life so far. However, the person that came out at the end of this book, is a different one than when I started.
Remember, childhood trauma can be healed through awareness. It’s hard work, but it pays off so much in the end.
My take on this
I had to deal with some of these trauma-based issues for years. At the moment, I still battle some (such as low self-esteem and chronic pain). I know for a fact that most of these issues are also because I never let my emotions out. My outlet was my inner world where I would call myself many self-deprecating words. I would make myself responsible for everything that happened around me.
Never screaming, never running away from home, never joining any gang, not doing drugs or alcohol. I was the perfect obedient child who kept it all inside and learned how not to trust anyone around me. If my immediate caretakers were unable to fulfil my emotional needs, I figured that nobody was to be trusted. So I built walls between me and the rest of the world. I closed myself in there until I met my husband.
He’s been with me throughout this entire healing journey. He still puts up with my chronic pain and my continuous journey towards healing. But the one important thing that has changed by going to therapy is that now I am feeling everything. I allow myself to feel pain, anger, fear, sadness, mourning, joy, tiredness, calm, focus, love. That TV screen I used to watch my life through, is also no longer there. I am an active participant and I adjust everything I need to make it better for myself.
That is exactly what I wish for everyone. Take the time to heal. Learn from the past, analyse your life and consider working with someone who can support you. You don’t need to have big issues to learn a bit more about yourself. If however, you notice you’re struggling, don’t wait for it to get worse. I waited one year to accept my burnout diagnosis and I will forever regret it.
